My Thought Catalog e-book is for sale on Amazon, iBookstore, and Barnes & Noble. Purchasing a copy helps support a child in need. I am that child in need. For just pennies a day, you can boost my fragile ego and save me from a life of selling life insurance plans door-to-door. God bless you.
12:00 pm • 17 September 2013 • 2 notes
There’s a Video Game Church (and It’s Totally Lame)
The E3 video game expo is a yearly celebration of the multi-billion dollar gaming industry. It’s also super fucking boring. As the largest video game trade expo in the world, it’s both overly stimulating and stultifyingly corporate. Imagine taking a walk down the Las Vegas strip, with all the lights, sounds, and annoying carnival barkers yelling at you, then accidentally stumbling into a TED talk. Yeah, that sounds shitty to me too.
While hanging around there in spite of myself, I heard about a Christian gaming organization called Gamechurch with a booth on the ass end of the convention center that was supposedly giving away free beer to anyone desperate enough to talk to them. I figured my E3 had been saved. Could it have been a sign from God himself that I should get a taste of the gospel and also get drunk on cheap keg beer?
To my surprise, there was no beer left when I arrived. I suppose everyone else at E3 had the same idea, but much earlier in the day. All that was left for me to do was read their material until more beer showed up.
I fingered through their pamphlet titled “Jesus, for the Win!” long enough to realize that this whole operation was serious. A condensed version of the Book of John was interspersed with essays justifying mixing the New Testament with the latest Call of Duty game. Those just seem naturally compatible, right?
4:29 pm • 13 June 2013 • 61 notes
This Week in Racism: Reverse Racism
I’ve gotten a lot of complaints in the last few weeks from my loyal readers. Some of you out there seem to think that I’ve been remiss in my duties as the foremost expert on racism. That’s totally fine. I accept your judgment. I love all of you equally. I even love those of you who say, “Dave Schilling is a total piece of shit with no brain cells to his name” or “I bet Dave Schilling has a really small dick.” I honestly love you folks, too.
[AUTHOR’S NOTE: My penis is the normal size, OK?]
The complaint I’ve gotten most in my time writing this column is that I never highlight instances of minorities being racist toward white people, a.k.a. “reverse racism.” Somehow, I’m a bigot for “ignoring” all the multitude of stories in the world about roving gangs of black teenagers menacing old grannies in the suburbs, or all the black police officers beating up defenseless white guys in tank tops. Please feel free to send these mythical unicorn stories to me on Twitter. I look forward to the motherload of responses I’m sure to get.
In the meantime, I have decided to answer your prayers and dedicate this week’s column to the men and women single-handedly keeping the ridiculous notion of reverse racism alive. I will be ranking news stories on a scale from 1 to REVERSE RACIST, with 1 being the least reverse racist and REVERSE RACIST being the most reverse racist.
7:56 pm • 7 June 2013 • 163 notes
This Week in Racism
Happy Confederate Memorial Day to you and yours! Yes, this is a real holiday in several southern states and the above gentleman is South Carolina Lieutenant Governor Glenn McConnell, a dedicated Civil War reenactor and total douchebag. If you’ve ever pined for the good ol’ days of manners, gentlemanly behavior, long sips of lemonade on the porch during a hot day, and ungodly human bondage, then this is the holiday for you. Giving gifts is encouraged. Your slave will most appreciate a day outside the “hot box.”
As always, with the assistance of my friends at the @YesYoureRacist Twitter account, I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “racist” being the most racist.
- The Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank dedicated to developing all the world’s dumbest ideas, released a study that claimed that immigration reform will cost the United States at least $6.3 trillion. That may or may not be true. I ain’t no mathematician. What I do know is true is that it recently came out that a co-author of the study, Jason Richwine, wrote his doctoral thesis at Harvard about the relative intelligences of the races. “The average IQ of immigrants in the United States is substantially lower than that of the white native population, and the difference is likely to persist over several generations,” Richwine claimed in his thesis, which was written in 2009, not 1959. Richwine argued that immigration should be selective based on IQ because “no one knows whether Hispanics will ever reach IQ parity with whites, but the prediction that new Hispanic immigrants will have low-IQ children and grandchildren is difficult to argue against.” If we’re going to keep dumb Mexican people out of our country, then can we also deport all the dumb white people? Can we give Rush Limbaugh his own island?
- A poster in France calling for demonstrations against gay rights stirred up plenty of controversy this week for portraying Minister of Justice Christiane Taubira, who is black, as a raging giant gorilla with cornrows and glowing eyes. The Taubira-gorilla is depicted as being swarmed by a crowd of homophobic protesters, who just so happen to be entirely white. The designer of the image deleted the post and apologized for the racist imagery, but only after it went viral. Funny how racism and homophobia tend to go hand in hand… 8
- The state of Michigan recently passed Public Act 436, which gives borderline dictatorial authority to an emergency manager to “supersede local ordinances, sell city assets, and break union contracts” in areas of the state that are economically impoverished, according to the Atlantic. These emergency managers currently function in six cities in Michigan, including Detroit. Around half of the black people in Michigan live in these six cities, which means that they all basically live without basic democratic rights. RACIST
4:58 pm • 10 May 2013 • 92 notes
Horse Racing: The Sport of America’s Lower Class
“If you wait until 4:08, you can get in for free,” the blatantly disinterested clerk at the entrance to Hollywood Park Racetrack and Casino informed me as I desperately tried to give her the $10 entry fee. It was 3:55 and I had already started to feel the effects of the weed chocolate I had eaten earlier, so I happily accepted her terms. I avoided making small talk with the clerk by feigning interest in my phone for 13 minutes. It’s surprising how little you can accomplish on a cell phone in 13 minutes. Finally, as the clock struck the “magic hour,” I sauntered through the gate with an extra $10 in my pocket, just ready to gamble it all away forever. There’s no such thing as a free ride, unless you’re high… or talking about the moribund sport of horse racing.
Much like the United States itself, horse racing culture can be divided into the camps of “have” and “have not.” The disparity between the gilded excesses of the Kentucky Derby and the barren wasteland of Hollywood Park is stark. Step-repeat lines, funny hats, and copious amounts of rich people materialize at Churchill Downs every year to see and be seen at what is an absurdly anachronistic, passé sport. The everyday reality of horse racing is that the stands are not even a third full, and instead of expensive suits and strange headgear, people wear varsity jackets with cougars embroidered on the back. Horse racing was and still is a pastime of our grandparents.
11:33 pm • 7 May 2013 • 37 notes
New “This Week in Racism” up on Vice. http://www.vice.com/read/supreme-court-justice-clarence-thomas-thinks
8:07 pm • 3 May 2013 • 1 note
Uninsured Americans Are Crowdsourcing Health Care Costs
Hospital Stay: $44,790
ER Doctor: $354
Plastic Surgeon: $18,500
CT Scans: $1,033
David owes in excess of $69,000 and is a freelance editor with no hope for health insurance, because the Editors’ Guild makes it almost impossible for anyone to get in and receive their benefits. Like many in this country, he is completely unaware of the finer details of the Affordable Care Act and is scrambling for a solution to his dire emergency.
In order to raise the money necessary to stave off bankruptcy, David has set up an account onYouCaring.com, which is akin to Kickstarter for things more important than a movie version of Veronica Mars. Unlike many other fundraising websites, YouCaring.com takes no fees from money raised for medical assistance, but they do give people the option to donate to the operation of the site.
With six days left and only $5,245 raised, David and I spoke about the challenges he faces and how they are far from unique.
VICE: YouCaring seems, at first glance, to be a great resource. Have you tried any other health care fundraiser services?
David Price: YouCaring was the first fundraising tool that we tried. All I can really say is that it’s nice to know it’s there. Many of my friends and several people I’ve never met have supported me via the site. It was extremely uplifting for me while I could barely speak to see the support and kind words from so many people. I’m very lucky to have so many friends in my life.
How close are you to your goal?
The YouCaring fundraiser is a great support, though as of now, is only able to account for 6.7 percent of my projected medical bills. Still, it’s a continuing process and there is hope left. I’ll very likely be looking into getting insurance as well. As much as it pains me that there are companies who profit from growing medical costs, it is a monster that can’t be defeated. If I can shatter half my face while on an easy bicycle ride, who knows what could happen next? My leg could be blown away by shrapnel from a falling meteor five minutes from now. There are so many things beyond our control, however unlikely they may seem, they’re events that only take a second to ruin a person financially.
Read the whole article
2:18 pm • 25 April 2013 • 84 notes
It seems like I have some new followers here. As such, it behooves me to start updating this blog again. First thing’s first. Please read this article about how Prozac Nation author, Elizabeth Wurtzel is totally lame.
4:04 pm • 13 April 2013 • 4 notes